Thursday, March 11, 2010

Twilight Spoofs

"About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him–which I assumed was wildly out of his control–that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.

And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight.

Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?

Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places."

"Love between a teenage girl and a vampire can be a beautiful thing. Then again, it can get a little ugly. Just ask Stella Crow. Stella is a clumsy but otherwise ordinary girl whose life takes a radical turn the moment she meets Edweird. Though perfect on the outside, Edweird Sullen is remarkably unrefined on the inside. He also happens to be a one hundred year old vampire, trapped in the body of a teenage boy, who has yet to finish high school. Nonetheless, Stella is unconditionally smitten with him. But not everything is rosy in this gloomiest of towns. Edweird's enemies have sworn to put a tragic end to their romance. Against all odds, the bond between Stella and Edweird is *nearly* strong enough for their love to survive. Most love stories between an impossibly handsome vampire and an ungainly young woman have a magical ending. This one -- not so much."

Okay, you have to admit that it's kind of funny. I'm not sure if I would ever actually read them because I think it would ruin the original book for me a little, but I deifinitely give them an A for effort.

The thing that bugs me is that the only reason Twilight gets so much crap is because it's a love story. Think about it- Harry Potter never had to deal with this kind of thing. Harry Potter also doesn't have a large following of haters that bash on it constantly. I mean, wizards....vampires.... they're really not that different. It just shows how cynical our society has become towards the idea of true love. Anything like the kind of love expressed in Twilght obviously can't be real.....

I think there's also a little bit of the macho issue. Loving wand-wars and masses of crazy soul-eating creatures is much easier to admit to than a sappy love story.

It's pretty much next to impossible to hate these books, but admitting to liking them is a whole other issue and I hate that our world has stooped to that.

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